Why did the elephant cross the road?

[J.D.]

Because the chicken retired, hahahaha!

[ATC crazy]

Why did the telemarketer cross the road???
To try and sell the chicken something he didn't need. :D

It this going to be a joke thread like the sayings thread?? Good


http://www.3wheeler.org/vb/images/smilies/lmao.gif http://www.3wheeler.org/vb/images/smilies/lmao.gif

[J.D.]

Sure, why not! I'm sure we could all use a smile!

[ATC crazy]

O.K. then...here goes:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

GWB's answer: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Al Gore's answer: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

Bill Gates's answer: I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

MLK Jr.'s answer: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Barbra Walters' answer: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

Jerry Signfelds answer: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Einstein's answer: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

And finally:
Colonel Sanders's answer: Damn it...I missed one.

[J.D.]

That is so freakin funny! I dunno whether I like Al Gores response better, or Col Sanders....good stuff, good stuff

[HemiChallenger71]

Why did the wife cross the road??

Hold on, Why is she out of the kitchen?

[yamaha200E]

RACIST JOKE ABUT I AM NOT A RACIST


i have a black guy haggin in my family tree,

hes still hagin there :D :D :D hahaha


please do not take affence by this joke kyle.

[J.D.]

Why did the wife cross the road??

Hold on, Why is she out of the kitchen?

LMAO!!


And Kyle, it's supposed to be.."yeah I have a few blacks in my family tree, they're still hanging in it!! HAHAH!"

[ATC crazy]

What is black and white that screams YES! YES! YES!
A nun playing BINGO...


When do you know when an afghan boy matures??
When he takes off his diaper and puts it on his head!


One day in a second grade classroom a teacher says, "O.K. class, today were gonna study animal sounds. Can I have the first volunteer?" she says. This kid stands up and the teacher says "O.K., What kind of sound does a cow make?" The kid says "Moo-Moo". Very good said the teacher. Now whose the next volunteer? This other kid gets up and the teacher asks "What kind of sound does a horse make?" So the kid says "Hurr-rr-rr". Very good the teacher says now next volunteer? This black kid gets up and the teacher asks O.K. what kind of sound does a pig make? The kid says "HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD MOTHERF****R"!!!

How do you stop little black kids from jumping on your bed?
Put velcro on the ceiling.

A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door.
Her husband also comes home early, so she puts her lover in the closet with the little boy.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "25 dollars."
Man: "Fine".

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
In the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball mitt."
Remembering the last time, he asks, "how much?"
Boy: "75 dollars."
Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, "Grab your glove.
Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
Father: "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy: "100 dollars."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that, 100 dollars is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The Priest says, "Don't start that trailprotrailprotrailprotrailpro again!"


Please don't take any of these offensive in any way.

[yamaha200E]

hahaha lol thats great im rolling with laughter :D

[ATC crazy]

Once upon a time there was a horse and a chicken who were good friends. They lived on a farmyard with lots of other animals and were very happy. One day, while they were playing near the farm's pond, the horse stepped into a hole of quicksand. The horse rapidly sank and was yelling for his friend, the chicken, to save him. The chicken thought for a minute, then ran back to the farmhouse, and jumped into the farmer's 735csi BMW. Luckily, the keys were in the ignition, and the chicken managed to start the car, and put it in gear. It raced over to the sinkhole, where the horse had almost disappeared by now. The smart chicken tied a rope around the back of the BMW and threw the other end around the front legs of the horse. The chicken hopped back in the driver's seat and stepped on the gas. Ever so slowly, the horse eased out of the quicksand and jumped to safety. The horse, still on shaky legs, stuttered: "You just saved my life. Thank you!" The chicken just said, "Don't mention it - That's what friends are for!!" They returned the BMW and went out to dinner together in the barn yard.
A few days later, the horse got up from a good night's rest, and heard some muffled cries for help coming from the backyard. The horse followed the sounds and came upon a terrible scene. There was his best friend, the chicken, stuck in a hole of quicksand! The sand was already up to its neck-feathers and the cries for help had almost stopped. The horse took a quick look around: No rope in sight And the farmer had gone to town with his BMW. What to do? The horse took a deep breath and spread his body and legs out over the hole. His member was dangling down right above the poor chicken. "Here, my friend, grab my thingie and I will pull you to safety!". With its last bit of energy, the chicken grabbed a hold of the big horse-thingie and the horse straightened its body, pulling the chicken from its trap. With one big step, both were on solid ground and safe. The chicken slumped down on the ground, exhausted: "Now You saved my life, my friend!!" The horse just smiled. And what is the moral of this story? ... If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.


Q: How are Fred Flintstone and Sadam Hussein alike?
A: Whenever they look out the window all they see is rubble.


How do you fit 40 Cubans into a telephone booth?
Tell them it floats.

[Billy Golightly]

Guys I'm gonna have to ask that you go easy and refrain from the racial jokes, please save them for elsewhere.

[FullBore]

Its like somtime the Pope says things he doesn't really mean.....

Why do women get married in white?
Because it matches the rest of the kitchen appliances!

Nat

[ATC crazy]

Sorry 8)

[J.D.]

Me too, I'll make sure no more from me, even though I have like 8,000 of them.

[yamaha200E]

Me too, I'll make sure no more from me, even though I have like 8,000 of them.



same here sorrykyle.

[ATC crazy]

I hope Blonde jokes don't fit into that category...

During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.
After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.
Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.


A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, ''What the heck is taking so long? Hit the ball!''
The guy answers, ''My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.''
''Give me a break! You don't stand a chance of hitting her from here.''

[yamaha200E]

there was a blond out in the muddle of a corn field trying to row a boat and another blond rides by, gets off her bike. looks at the blond and says "its blonds like u who give us blonds a bad name, if i new how to swim i would some out there and kick your trailprotrailprotrailprotrailprotrailpro." hahaha lol i love that one :D . kyle

[HemiChallenger71]

Come on Honda, put a big banner on this thread racist and womaizer joke. Everyone will read them anyway... If someone complains just tell them tough trailprotrailprotrailprotrailpro you already told them what the thread was about.

[yamaha200E]

yea i back hemichallenger. kyle

[Joel85350X]

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

50, 1 to change the bulb while the other 49 form a support group.


How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

10, 9 to urge a surrounding crowd that their concerns about the project are all being considered and that everything that can be done to provide a safe and effective outcome for everyone is being done...while the 10th person screws the bulb into a water faucet.


How many self interested women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, she holds the bulb up to the socket and lets the world revolve around her.


How many Irish does it take to change a lightbulb?
10, 1 holds the bulb, while the others drink themselves into a bliss and the room spins around them. :Beerchug


How did Hellen Keller lose an arm?

She tried to read a stop sign while driving 55mph. Ouch.

[ATC crazy]

How did Hellen Keller lose an arm?

She tried to read a stop sign while driving 55mph. Ouch.

LMFAO

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


One day a college proffessor was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and asked if anyone in the class was a moron, and if they were, they should stand. After a minute a young man stood up. The professor then asked the kid if he actually thought he was a moron. The kid replied, 'No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself'

[yamaha200E]

haha lol that is so funny lol :D :D :!: :!:


kyle

[ATC crazy]

YOU KNOW YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY WHEN...
-You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.
-The little league puts you on waivers.
-Your suggestion box starts ticking.
-Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.
-You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.
-The moths in your money belt starve to death.
-People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.
-Your wife starts charging you rent.
-A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.
-You see your wife and your girlfriend having lunch together.
-The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.
-Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.
-The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.
-A copy of your birth certificate comes in the mail marked null and void.
-The department of biological warfare ask for your stew recipe.
-Your children's school calls to surrender.
-You can't afford to drive your new car.
-It takes you three hours to make minute rice.
-You're so bored you play hide & seek alone.
-The fortune teller charges you half price.
-People give you the senior citizen discount and you're only 37.
-Your wife takes the dog on vacation and leaves you at the kennels.
-You find a note on the table instead of supper.
-Your wife tapes your picture to the dart board.
--The brides family throws rocks instead of rice.
-Your wife is sitting on the stove holding a picket sign.
-Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map.
-Your plants do better when you don't talk to them.
-The house is messy again before you can finish cleaning.
-Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
-You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open.
-Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
-Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
-You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
-You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
-Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
-Your income tax refund check bounces.
-It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
-The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
-You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
-Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
-You put both contacts in the same eye.
-Your mother approves of the girl you are dating.
-Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
-You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your MasterCard.
-Nothing you own is actually paid for.
-Everyone loves your driver's license picture.
-You invite the peeping Tom in...and he says no.
-The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
-You call your wife and tell her that you'd like to eat out tonight and when you get home, you find a sandwich on the front porch.
-You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night...and there aren't any.
-You wake up face down on the pavement.
-You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
-You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
-You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

[ATC crazy]

Dr. Seuss' Lost Tongue Twister
See if you can do this: Read each line aloud

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is trailprotrailprotrailprotrailprotrailprotrailprotrailpro cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top

You Know You're Canadian When:
-You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
-You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
-Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
-The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.
-The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

Condom Factory
A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?"

"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"

"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
:D :D

[speed20]

or maybe start a joke forum!!!hehe :D

[Coty]

WHY ARE WOMENS FEET SHORTER THAN MENS FEET???

SO THEY CAN STAND CLOSER TO THE KITCHEN SINK!!!!!!


EDIT By HondaATC:I even asked nicely to drop the racial jokes, and you do it anyways. I don't really appreciate that.

[yamaha200E]

hey honda what if i start a post going that says racial jokes please dont get affended by it? then can we have racial jokes? im goin to try it and if u dont like it just delet it ok.

kyle

[Coty]

hey honda sorry i didn't read all of the replies, i just laughed my ass off and scrolled down, to post my jokes.