Sayings???

[BLAZERONE22]

Okay I'm bored today, just mowed the lawn kicking back, Lets hear all your "Sayings" Like "looks like she got in a hatchet fight, but did'nt have a hatchet". This could turn out to be a funny thread. lets hear them!!!

[Billy Golightly]

Oh man, I've got alot of them. But I'm not sure if I can post them without violating my own rules :P

[BLAZERONE22]

Yeah lets keep them somewhat clean. lots of $#@***#. :D

[Billy Golightly]

Don't know your @$$ from your elbow

(Someone screws things up, and they said..."but I thought...") You know what thought did right? he wiped his !@# on a broken bottle and thought it wouldn't cut!

(really stupid person) More then their Alligator sized brain can compute

Punch you so hard you'll stink before you hit the ground

More Balls then Brains

(if) A bullfrog had wings he wouldn't skin his !@# on the rocks.

I think those are about the only ones I'll say without bending the rules more then I already have, hehe.

[BLAZERONE22]

Yeah, your the one that made me think of the thread, I think in a post you said "he was a couple fries short in his happy meal" or something like that.

[Billy Golightly]

My dad has some really good ones that I've picked up on. Like I said, I've got some more but I don't think I'll post them here on the board ;)

[Billy Golightly]

Just rememberd afew more that'll be ok for the board.


Not enough brains to get in out of the rain

Not enough brains to ache when you hurt

[ATC crazy]

"Can of Corn" (The old-farts on this board will know what I'm talking about ;) )

"If you think you can...don't"

"Check your nuts...they might be loose"

"A penny saved now is $5 more you have when you retire"


My dad also uses quite a few that don't fit the rules ;)

[BLAZERONE22]

Your cheese slipped off the cracker 8)

[ATC crazy]

"I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my trailprotrailprotrailprotrailprotrailpro"

[ATCRYDER]

"You Stoppit!" (In Gay Man Voice!)

"eht! Ive Heard enough!" (stern voice)

"If masturbating was a crime...You'd be on Death row! You'd Be Al Capone at age 12!"

(if these are used anywheres else, I expect full credit. I will sell them for $20 each as well.)

[J.D.]

HEY HEY HEY! I've been using "You Stoppit" with a hand slap in public since I was 13, YOU CAN"T TAKE THAT FROM ME MAN!!!!

[ATCRYDER]

oh You stoppit!

[J.D.]

Ok.. :( /me runs off crying

[smokinwrench]

You can tear up an anvil in a sand box.

[mymint87]

(something you say to someone who is nit-picking or critisizing your work , or a job you did or somethimg you made etc.)

"don't be pickin fly sh$t out a pepper on me partner"


or the one i always live by,

"i"m totally dissatisfied with your performance as a human being"


and the one i always say to my customers,


"dude, i dont do this for a hobby and i damn sure dont need the practice"

[Billy Golightly]

Hahaha those are pretty good mymint87, reminded me of another. If you got a person that wants you to do things instantly, and you don't have anything to work with, you say:

"Whats it look like I can make chicken salad out of chicken !@#$?!?!"

[wanta250r]

If it ain't broken don't fix it -P

[Wickedfinger]

I have a few that I constantly use like:
(mom bust) - Dude, your Moms so fat, her nickname is ...... DAMN!!!

(to say somethings old or been around awhile) - {that dude hasn't gone riding} since Moby Dick was a minnow.

(a thinking mans quote) The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence ... until you have to mow it, then it all just grass.

(stupidity) That dudes dumber than a mud fence on a rainy day.
or
That dudes about as sharp as a bowling ball.
or
The next time you see your moma, ask her if you can get back in and "cook" a little longer.

(pat on the back) You're a good egg kid ... a little scrambled though.

(movie quote) Boy the Rocky mountains arn't very rocky, are they. - yeah man, that John Denvers full of trailprotrailprotrailprotrailpro man!
or
{honk, honk} YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!!! ..... Ok, thank you ... Heh heh, how do they know which way we're going.

[wanta250r]

He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

[ATCnut]

My fav is "If his IQ was any higher, he'd be a tree"

[mymint87]

something you say when a male is showing signs of needing to use the restroom real bad

"What's the matter? you sporting a pee Boner?

[Howdy]

People that is too up on themself:
He is a legend in his own mind.

To bad other people can't see through his paper Ego.

Stupid People:
He or She is about as bright as a burned out light bulb.

When the Good Lord said brains you must have thought he said Trains.

Your 5 fingers short of a fist.

Other Misc ones:
Might as well piss up a rope.

Another version: Might as well piss in the wind.

There is three sides to every story: His, Hers, and the Truth!!

If you had 1/2 a brain you would be dangerous.

Respect is earned, not assumed.

I'm going to kick you in the arse so hard that we will both end up in the Hospital. I will be there to get my foot removed.

I will hit you in the head so hard that you will be able to use your ears as mud flaps.

--------------------------------------------

I have more but that is enough for now.

Isn't that special??? lmao

Howdy

[atcpunk107]

It aint illegal/cheating unless you get cought.(saying around the race track)
{To someone short}Your not short just verticaly challenged
I aint loud your just quiet.
Im gonna beat you sencless,oops to late

I'll think of more after i meet up with uncles or grandfather they have some good ones

[TrikeKid]

I'm in shape, round is a shape

I'm not fat im just horizontally gifted

[TrikeKid]

i dont now if this is within the rules
but when askes you a stupid question and the answer is no:
"Can your dick touch your ass?"

[NOS_350X]

"Fat people are hard to kidnap"

"dont play tag with a porky-pine"

"dont pet a burning dog"

"Save a tree eat a beaver"

"save gas, Fart in a jar"

"if your left leeg was thanksgiving and your right leeg was christmas could i visit between the holidays" (girls have said this to me trailprotrailpro)

"todays word of the day is leegs, lets go back to my place and spread the word" (also been said to me)

"Procrastination is like masterbation it seems good at the time but in the end your only fu**ing yourself"

"silly faggot, d*cks are for chicks"

well thats all for now i might post later i have many more

[ATC crazy]

"todays word of the day is legs, lets go back to my place and spread the word" (also been said to me)


I use that one all the time.

(When you catch a bad smell) "God D**n...Close your legs ______ (put someones name in the blank)

"Its so cold, I ain't seen my nut sack in 3 days"

"If it won't fit, push a little harder"

"When someone is doing something that is very dangerous its funny...but when they get hurt doing it its just plain hilarious" (I can't remember exactly how it goes but its similar)

[kyle]

" Your nuttier than squirrel turds"
" i'd hit ya, but trailprotrailprotrailprotrailprotrailpro splatters"

[Ace Mon]

Yo' mamas so fat , she dries her pants in the driveway .
Yo' mamas teeth are sooo yellow , when she talks traffic slows down .
Yo' mamas sooo big shes got smaller fat women orbiting around her .
ooooh that girl looks like she got hit by a truckload of ugly .

[Jeb]

This is a great post! Here's a few more.


Adding the phrase: "that's what she said!" after certain everyday things people say can be funny. example:

Your buddy: "boy this "____" is too small!" You then chime in: "yeah, that's what she said." It can also be used to your advantage:

"Boy my "_____" is awesome! Now, that's what she said!"

The straight chick with gay tendencies: "Her gate swings both ways."

Your buddy with Halitosis: "Your breath could knock a buzzard off a dung wagon!"

Of course the classics "Fugly" & "FUBAR" never go out of style:

That Quad's Fugly! (fugly = F'in Ugly)
Man, your face got FUBAR'd! (FUBAR = F'ed Up Beyond All Recognition)

The drunk that makes no sense is said to be "1 beer short of a six pack".

This one may challenge the rules and so do a few others before me, but here goes anyway: :-D

Great for use on the resident jerk, moron or idiot...

"your ol' man should have rolled over and shot you on the wall. Oh wait i bet he did but your mom had a change of heart and scraped your half-dried butt up and decided to use you anyway." :shock:

:D :rolleyes: :-D

[olderthandirt]

:-D our windshield tech, didn't like the hot weather,would always say,
" Man,it's hotter than two rats humping in a wool sock "

[Billy Golightly]

I just remembered another talking to Honda300ex on AIM...


Really bad looking paint job... "Looks like it was painted with a pine top and a bucket of Sh!&"

[ATCs Reborn]

what you say to a one night stand to make her feel good, but still let her know she's gone.

"hate to see ya go, but i love to watch ya leave"

can't remember what movie it's from, but it's classic.

[dc]

Man.. I am definately going to be using some of these!

Now for some of my favorites.

If someone has no chance of being able to do something....
He doesn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out.

To someone who likes to point out the difference between two very identical things...
Same trailprotrailprotrailprotrailpro, different pile.

To someone who asks you the time but you don't have a watch...
Half past a monkeys ass a quarter to its balls.

[TrikeKid]

I got another one
if you sell a man a fish you earn a buck and he gets to eat. if you teach a man to fish he no longer has to buy it and you lost your customer and you're a lousy salesman.

[200xman]

How about:

If a-holes could fly this place would be an airport.

If brains were gunpowder he/she could not blow their nose.

I am so broke I can't even afford to pay attention.

On a bumper sticker- Jesus loves you- everybody else thinks you are an a-hole.

[Billy Golightly]

I'm so broke I gotta put crap (use the s word) in my pocket just to have a scent (cent)

[tecatecrazy]

uglier than a mud fence............dumber than a box of rocks.........crooked as a dogs hind leg.........sweatin' ike a fat n***er at a free dance....quirer than a three dollar bill ...thats all i can think of right now---Joe

[250r83]

To someone that is giving you crap:

If I want any lip from you, I'll take it off of my zipper!!

Yeah sure buddy, opinions are like A$$holes, everyone has one and they all stink.

Dumb people:

He's not the sharpest tool in the shed!!

He's a couple cans short of a six pack


Just razzing

Your so f#@cking ugly, when you were born the doctor slapped your mamma.

Picking on buddies girlfriends

I'm not saying she's easy, she's just been around the block more times than the ice cream truck in july, that's it

Hey, if she's not easy, you explain the "take a number" sign on the end of her bed.

Who the f#@k hit her with the ugly stick

Man, this is the funniest thread. I'm so going to use a lot of these.

[ATC crazy]

Man...he's so ugly, when he was born the doctor must've took one at him and dropped him on his head.

Yo mama's so fat, when she jumps she gets stuck in the air.
Yo mama's so fat, you have to grease the doorway and hold a Twinkie on the other side.
Yo mama's so fat, she asked the US Navy for old subarines to use as tampons.

I love this thred. :D

[Jeb]

Here's one I read today...


"I bet if your brains were stuck in a gnats @$$ they'd rattle around like a BB in a garbage can."

:-D

[MountainRider]

LMFAO Jeb!!!!! My Mom's Dad used one similar to that!!!!

Just a few that I've heard from family and friends (and used on occasion, lol)

"You couldn't find your butt with both hands and a road map"

"I'll stomp a mudhole in your trailprotrailprotrailprotrailprotrailpro, and walk it dry"

"You look like you've been drug through a knothole backwards and slapped in the face with buzzard guts"

"You look like you've been shot at and missed, and trailprotrailprotrailprotrailpro at and hit"

"I'm gonna slap you to sleep, then slap you for sleeping"

(when someone asks how you're doing) "I'm finer than the fuzz in a ticks ear" or "finer than frogs hair"

"That makes about as much sense as wiping BEFORE you crap"

"I'll kick your butt till your nose bleeds"

[Billy Golightly]

Hahaha those are great!

[tecatecrazy]

"If I wanted any lip out of you....I'd unzip"

[Billy Golightly]

I'm gonna rip off your head and Poop (S word) down your neck" -I think Clint Eastwood said that one

I'll put my boot so far up your arse (other a word) that you'll be eating the heel of it for breakfest.

Don't know your arse (other a word) from your elbow

Don't know your arse (other a word) from a hole in the ground

Dumber then a stump

Dumber then a box of hair

Deader then a doorknob (Old one)

I'll Cut your guts out and feed them to my pigs!

[J.D.]

I'll kick you so hard your grandchildren will be feelin it!!

Yo mama so old, she still owes Moses five dollars!

[Jeb]

One more...

a good one to use on that wonderful lady in your life when she asks or does something stupid:

"Try using your HEAD for something other than a hairstyle display stand!"

[YamaChuck]

Here's one for when you see a hot babe......."I'd spend the whole winter behind the outhouse just to smell her fart in the spring!" :D

[YamaChuck]

Dumber than the engineer who wanted to put a screen door on a submarine!

[YamaChuck]

Of course there's the classic bar joke........A 2 at 10 suddenly becomes a 10 at 2 !

[FullBore]

You wern't a girl, You were an an Experiment!

Looks like they fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!

Got beaten with an ugly stick

kangaroos in the top paddock

Sandwich short of a picnic

My mate is so dumb he was outsmarted by a glass of water the other day
he has an IQ of 2, a glass of water has an IQ of 4!

Did you know Moses was the First Person to ride a Motorcycle?
It clearly states in the bible that "The Roar of Moses' Triumph could be heard throughout the land"!

Nat

[Billy Golightly]

Did you know Moses was the First Person to ride a Motorcycle?
It clearly states in the bible that "The Roar of Moses' Triumph could be heard throughout the land"!

Nat



Hahahaha!!! I love it, thats great

[250rAL]

Red Green- If it ain't broke, you're not tryin'
Foghorn Leghorn- More nervous than a long tail cat in a room fulla rockers
If it won't fit, force it. If it breaks, it needed fixing anyway.

[YamaChuck]

And you think you want to mess with me? You'd have a better chance trying to kill a grizzly bear with a fly swatter!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ATC crazy]

"Son of a B***h, I'll hop up there and kick the S**t out of you"

"I'll bet your girlfriend (or boyfriend) is more of a man (or woman) than you are you pansy."

[atcpunk107]

Hold my tophy while i kiss your girlfriend.
(when someone complaning)Kiss my @$$ caus its the only thing that gives a $h!t

[YamaChuck]

When I get done with you I'll be up to my elbows in blood and there won't one drop of it mine!!!! ;)

[ATC crazy]

"Do you suck D***?
(And if they answer 'no'--->) Bull S***, I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose you (insert another name for rooster) sucker!!!

"Just cause you're married don't mean you can't experiment"